BERNERD REPORTS:
"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time. Like tears in rain. Time to die."
- Roy Batty

There are moments in film-making history when people got so close to creating the perfect moment, the perfect story, the perfect world that it could make you cry for hours just thinking about the loss. It's happened for thousands with "Firefly," and happened to me this weekend watching the director's cut of "Blade Runner."

If you've seen "Blade Runner" chances are you remember liking it. You remember the clear-plastic raincoat, Pris' wild death and Rutger Hauer leaping around in bike shorts - but probably, if you're honest, you don't really remember it being remarkable; it isn't in your top 5; and although you may quote it, own it and love it...
There was something missing.

That something, ladies and gentlemen, was a leading performance. A performance supposedly given by Harrison Ford. While Rutger was bleaching his hair and writing his final words; while Darryl Hannah was creating her own look and choreographing fight scenes; while Sean Young spent hours on her hair and Edward James Olmos put stark blue contacts in his eyes; Pampered Harrison's contribution involved not wearing a hat (in the supposed acid rain let me remind you) and cutting his hair days before production began so that 'they couldn't change it unless they wanted to push production back long enough for it to grow out again."

The production value on this movie is unprecedented. Pre-production alone took 9 months. The wardrobe, lighting, sets and art design are like nothing you've ever seen. And standing in the middle of it all is a giant turd of an actor.
This wonderful face is what we get to see 85% of the film - when he's not over acting his brains out fighting replicants. Is he angry? Upset? Tired? Bored? Dead? You tell me...

"Blade Runner" will always be a classic. A stand-alone in the sci-fi universe. But it could have been something much better. It could have had a hero, a main character, a guiding light through the darkness of the near future. As it is? We're alone. Alone with Batty in a dying, smog filled city.

And P.S. If you didn't get the ending even Ridley Scott himself says you're a moron.

BERNERD REPORTS:
HARRISON FORD IS A TERRIBLE ACTOR!
I am not here to impune a man's reputation, nor am I here to lash out with lots of insults and mockery (you should have read my first draft), I am simply going to propose a test.

I will present 6 pictures of Harrison Ford. You may look at them as long as you like. When you are ready, I will ask you to identify what character he is playing in each photograph. Sounds simple enough, eh? NOTE: If you use his wardrobe as a clue, you are only making my point.

Ready? Set? Go!

If you think I'm being selective in my photo choice, or that it took me a long time to set up this little test, I encourage you to do some searching on Google Images of Harrison and Gary.

FRAN REPORTS:
So, Indiana Jones and something about a Crystal Skull (yea, that's really how much I don't care) is the latest hit right now. They talked about it for weeks before it came out, they talked about it when it came out, and I'm sure they will be talking about it for weeks, months, even years to come. Lord help us! Let me just put my opinion out there right now just so we're clear... this movie is not "the biggest blockbuster hit of the summer!" nor is it "the best movie this year". In fact without even seeing more than the trailer to this movie I can already tell you that it is a bunch of complete nonsense.