FRAN REPORTS:
On September 12, 2008 a movie co-starring Al Pacino and Robert Deniro hit the big screen. Not unlike many movie goers, I was eagerly anticipating this release. I thought, what could be better than two of the greatest actors alive performing together once again? There was so much potential, so much to be hopeful for.

BERNERD REPORTS:
So, the day has come. I knew it would someday. I had even hoped one day that I would be the one to do it. A live-action Dragonball movie made for U. S. audiences. I guess I join the ranks of comic book nerds around the world who shivered at the prospect of their heroes being jammed into a sellable 90-minute Hollywood flick. Don't get me wrong, I love movies, and I've always thought DBZ would make a great one (think more complex, Japanese version of Superman.). I just hope they don't lose the aspects of Dragonball that made it great.

They've already changed Goku from a young child to an older teen. I don't really mind the change (I realize it's hard to sell an action movie staring a 6-year-old alien with a monkey tail). The only thing I'm worried about them losing is Goku's innocence. It isn't just the innocence of a child, because Goku remains almost ignorant of evil his entire life - even becoming a child again in his old age, fighting for good with his granddaughter. Many may find Goku's attitude a little silly and stupid, and it kind of is on the surface, but it is through his innocence and humility that he is able to become the best fighter in the universe. He defeats many stronger and wiser enemies, who are finally brought down by their pride. Goku never judges anyone, but only stops those who harm others until they can be taught to be good. This is shown throughout the Dragonball series as many of Goku's arch-enemies become his allies later in life. His childhood enemy even going so far as to die for Goku's son.

On the surface, Dragonball may seem like a silly, odd and over-the-top Japanese soap opera, but there are deep story-lines of humility, forgiveness and good vs evil running underneath. These aren't your usual modern 'evil is inside us all' stories. In the Dragonball world, everyone has the chance to be good, and it is through their decisions and pride that they are made evil. It is my fear that these deeper storylines maybe ignored in the U. S. version, creating just another bad Martial Arts movie that will be forgotten as soon as the video game is released.

BERNERD REPORTS:
Smallville: a fluffy teen-drama as shallow as they come with lots of "teen" problems and school crushes and entire episodes dedicated to prom - and stuck right smack dab in the middle? One of the most amazing performances of the human struggle between good and evil. Michael Rosenbaum has certainly been making his own show for the past seven years. A show much darker and human than anything else on television (or in film for that matter). Forget the moral dilemmas in the contrived FX drama The Shield, the story of Lex Luthor's childhood and branch into power holds some of most heart-wrenching scenes I have ever witnessed. If you didn't end up hating Clark and all the other bumbling "good people" in Smallville who let Lex slip through their fingers, then there is something wrong with you. I wish John Wayne was around to punch Jonathan Kent right in the face.

The W. B. or whatever initials they are now using, should release a version of Smallville that holds only the important Lex scenes. If edited well it could actually be formed into a very powerful movie. A movie that should win Mr. Rosenbaum a lot of awards. He certainly has my vote.

So, as Michael Rosenbaum leaves the show (now entering it's eighth season), I would just like to thank him for the years he put in. It was a sad and painful ride, but beautiful in it's perfection. Thank you.

BERNERD REPORTS:
Last night I watched a show about science, and how it is pushing into things previously termed "para-normal". Invisibility; teleportation; regeneration; cloning; mind-reading; all possible now in the hands a few quirky scientists who border on the insane while a street-smart law-officer helps propel them in the right direction. The title of this show? Eureka!

Did anyone else catch this blatant rip off? J. J. Abrams apparently spent his summer watching seasons one and two of the Sci-Fi series and thought to himself - "How can I take this clever, fun, new show and rub my stink all over it?" He takes out all the funny and replaces it with flat boring characters held in our memory only by the "secrets" they are hiding. Is anyone else prepared to join another Lost train, heading toward a bunch of questions with no answers? I don't know about you, but I canceled my Tivo subcription. Can't really take anymore of less-butch (and far less likable) Laura Prepon palling around with Fat Dawson's Creek and King Denethor. I think I'll just stick with Eureka.

Am I being too critical? Check out some comparisons:

Eureka's BIG corporate science company is called? Global Dynamics.
Fringe's BIG corporate sciene company is called? Massive Dynamics.

Eureka's scientists are? Delving into things previously considered impossible while putting the town in danger.
Fringe's scientist is? Delving into things previously considered impossible while putting the WORLD in danger.

Eureka's crazy scientists are held in check by? A street smart sheriff with a work ethic.
Fringe's crazy scientist is held in check by? A street smart FBI agent with a work ethic.

Eureka's problems are solved by? The dumb sheriff putting his trust in the science and being brave enough to actually do what the scientists just talk about.
Fringe's problems are solved by? The head strong FBI Agent putting her trust in the science and being brave enough to actually do what the scientist just talks about.

The only difference I can see is that Eureka would be classified as sci-fi comedy, while Fringe is more of a 'drama'. If your definition of drama is: A) a show lasting one hour in which no jokes are cracked - unless they are sarcastic ones driven by a character's disgust with the situation. B) characters are solemn and stressed C) the color palate is dark and bleak - rain and snow are encouraged and D) camera angles are rough and handheld.

This brings me to my second point, a realization I had last night while watching the never-ending pilot.

J. J. Abrams HATES People
He enjoys putting them in lonely, impossible situations and then watching as they struggle. He is more like a God to his characters than a friend. Who in the long running Lost does J. J. love? I think he enjoys being the unseen force that propels his characters toward one disaster after the next. Look at the difference between his characters and, say, Joss Whedon's characters. Joss may be Boss, but he certainly loves his characters - which in turn makes you love them. Who is Olivia Dunham J. J.? And why should I love her? I don't think he could answer that. . .

So save yourself the trouble and just watch Eureka. It's fun, smart and you'll definitely love it's characters. Good luck Fringe. I will throw-up if you last longer than Fire-fly.

BERNERD REPORTS:
Maybe it's because I'm more right-brained than left, but science has always bugged me. "What do you mean, Bernerd? How can 'science' bug you? Science tells us how the world works. It makes your car run, your pop-tarts toasty and it created this blog you are writing in right now!" Well, yes, all that is true but, it's not so much the result I have a problem with as much as the process (we can talk about the result at a different time.)

Science has taken over everything. From the way we do business to the way we play - and most importantly - to the way we think. With Science, the ends always justify the means. We're creating a better world, for those who will live in it when it comes. And to quote one of my favorite movies "So me and mine gotta lay down and die... so you can live in your better world?" The answer is 'yes'.

This reality was made all too clear to me this weekend while playing the Valve game "Portal". It never occurred to me that a game could be a medium for a story, but the guys at Valve proved me wrong. This short little game hits it's point-of-view out of the park with one of the most interesting characters I've met in a while. His name? The computer from Portal.

The game centers around a research facility where you are testing out a new device. I'm not going to try and explain the device, or the portals it creates, if you are interested in the specifics, feel free to watch the trailer or download the free trial (available from Steam). You are alone in your tests, accompanied only by the cute and sweet robotic voice of the computer, who helps you along and gives your pointers on how to complete tasks. That is, at first...

You soon realize the cute voice is kind of an asshole. He lies to you, constantly. He messes with your head, and then applauds you for not listening to him. He's pompous and strange, and you soon begin to feel very uncomfortable under the impersonal gaze of the security cameras. Are you testing the device or are they testing you?

The cute voice constantly refers to you as his friend, and promises you cake when you complete your tasks - a cake he apparently has made himself. When all the tasks are accomplished, he asks you to step onto a conveyor belt that will bring you to the party, and the cake. I was sitting there, happy with myself for having beaten the game, when I realized the conveyor belt wasn't bringing me to cake (even though there was a picture of one on the wall) but in fact was lowering me into a toxic sludge that will kill me. What's up cute voice?

I quickly looked around, and found my escape, much to the annoyance of cute voice. Although he didn't show his cards just yet. He continued to tell me that I was wrong in thinking he was going to kill me, and that in fact, the conveyor belt DID lead to the party. He instructed me to assume the "party position", which involved putting down my gun and lying face down on the floor. I didn't listen.

The next few hours involved me running through puzzling backrooms of the research facility, trying desperately to escape. Bloody messages were scrawled on the wall, apparently by previous 'test subjects'. Cute voice echoed through the halls after me, "Where are you?", "It was a joke, come back", "You're not even going the right way". If I wasn't so sure the gamers wouldn't have created the area I was running through if I wasn't supposed to go through it, I might have actually believed him.

In the end, you find the central location of Cute Voice and disassemble him - piece by piece. The entire time he is playing with my mind - "What do you think you're doing?" "This isn't bravery, this is murder", "No one likes you. It says so in your file."

Finally, he shuts up. But sadly, so do you. The final giant explosion that finishes off Cute Voice, also finishes off you. You lie on the pavement, finally outside, dead. The End. Or is it?

During the credit sequence, you find out that your escape, your fight, your death, his death - it was all part of the test, and in fact, you didn't kill him at all. You only killed one of him. One of the many. He's a computer afterall, not some flesh and blood enemy, and he wasn't even angry at you at all. You were just part of the fight for a better future, a future for the people who are still alive.

And finally, the credit song comes sweetly on. Sung by the infamous Cute Voice.



Science is creepy. . .

BERNERD REPORTS:
Oh, Comic Con! How I want to attend you! Why do you have to be on the other side of the country!

But seriously, I want to go. Or should I say, I WANTED to go. I could have seen "Dr. Horrible" on a big screen WITH Joss and Nathan Fillion! What? I know! Not to mention Joss was also giving two talks, there was a Browncoats meeting and Heroes and Smallville and Sunny and...

Alright, I'm hyperventilating. But still, all those idiots who only see the fat guy in the bad Chewbacca costume need to shut up! Comic Con rocks the Disco!

So, it's Saturday and I'm not planning on editing a single word of this. Stream of consciousness baby! It's been awhile since we've posted anything, but hey - who wanted to post when we had a picture of Roy Batty up? Hmm? I didn't think so.

So, I'm planning on going all out on a Sci-Fi binge this weekend. "Why Bernerd, what do you mean?" I hear you asking (and yes, auditory hallucinations ARE cool). Well, I'll tell you.

I purchased the first seasons of "Roswell" and "Dark Angel" as well as a 6-pack of awesomely bad Sci-Fi features including one that promises to be "the worst science fiction film since 'Plan 9'." Sweet!

I watched about 6 hours of "Roswell" last night and though I'm not usually into the whole 'teen drama' crap, I can swallow it because they're aliens! Aliens in highschool? I know, what could be more riveting. I was up until 2AM. By far the most interesting of the characters are the sub-characters of Maria and Michael. Max and Liz (who I have nicknamed 'Blah' and 'Blee') need to add at least ONE character quirk to their resume. And yes, I realize I'm critiqueing a show that has been off the air for six years.

I would also like to say that Max looks a whole lot like Ethan from "Lost," which makes me suspicious of him. I don't think he ever WAS on the U. F. O. - where's the manifest!?

Ethan's Son is an Alien!

BERNERD REPORTS:
"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time. Like tears in rain. Time to die."
- Roy Batty

There are moments in film-making history when people got so close to creating the perfect moment, the perfect story, the perfect world that it could make you cry for hours just thinking about the loss. It's happened for thousands with "Firefly," and happened to me this weekend watching the director's cut of "Blade Runner."

If you've seen "Blade Runner" chances are you remember liking it. You remember the clear-plastic raincoat, Pris' wild death and Rutger Hauer leaping around in bike shorts - but probably, if you're honest, you don't really remember it being remarkable; it isn't in your top 5; and although you may quote it, own it and love it...
There was something missing.

That something, ladies and gentlemen, was a leading performance. A performance supposedly given by Harrison Ford. While Rutger was bleaching his hair and writing his final words; while Darryl Hannah was creating her own look and choreographing fight scenes; while Sean Young spent hours on her hair and Edward James Olmos put stark blue contacts in his eyes; Pampered Harrison's contribution involved not wearing a hat (in the supposed acid rain let me remind you) and cutting his hair days before production began so that 'they couldn't change it unless they wanted to push production back long enough for it to grow out again."

The production value on this movie is unprecedented. Pre-production alone took 9 months. The wardrobe, lighting, sets and art design are like nothing you've ever seen. And standing in the middle of it all is a giant turd of an actor.
This wonderful face is what we get to see 85% of the film - when he's not over acting his brains out fighting replicants. Is he angry? Upset? Tired? Bored? Dead? You tell me...

"Blade Runner" will always be a classic. A stand-alone in the sci-fi universe. But it could have been something much better. It could have had a hero, a main character, a guiding light through the darkness of the near future. As it is? We're alone. Alone with Batty in a dying, smog filled city.

And P.S. If you didn't get the ending even Ridley Scott himself says you're a moron.

BERNERD REPORTS:

I'm going to make this short and to the point. I will not be seeing “The Dark Knight” this summer. I may never see it. And yes, I suppose I'm here to ruin everyone's fun.

This film is not like other films. Like “The Crow” this film is so interwoven with the real lives behind it, that one cannot look at it apart from them. But, unlike “The Crow” – who's actor died in a freak accident during shooting – “The Dark Knight” is a culprit in the demise of it's young and talented prey.

Mental illness is often ignored. Probably because it's so easy to blame on other factors like 'personality', 'lifestyle' and the infamous 'drugs'. It's just easier to accept that the person did it to themselves than flipping it upside down and saying that those factors are influenced by the mental state of the person. It's easier to say that 'All Hollywood is fucked up' and therefore the fact that one of them died is only a matter of mathematical probability. It's easier than facing the truth: the Joker killed Heath Ledger.

I physically can't watch it. Even the trailers drag me down into a very dark place. To watch a man twisting his mind into such a state as to make him unable to sleep at night goes a little further than 'summer entertainment'. A film is a product of many lives, and to detach it from that is simply naive.

So, I'll finish by saying: please really look at what you're watching. Those are human beings on the screen. A human being who died bringing this to you. Was it worth his life? Were you entertained?

Requiem in Pacem

FRAN REPORTS:

FRAN REPORTS:

The Fatty McGoo of the Week!
And the winner is? Arnold!
The Fatty McGoo award is given to those select few who forgo the Hollywood lifestyle of binge-and-purge/lemon skin diet/liposuction and decide instead to age like a normal human being.

These Awards are in no way a call to diet!
We love our Fatty McGoos!

Previous winners include: Mr. Blimp, Marlon Brando, Lex Luthor, and Val Kilmer!

TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR A NEW MCGOO!

FRAN REPORTS:

FRAN REPORTS:

Giovanni Ribisi is one of those actors who always looks like he's making another movie. While Nicholas Cage hammed it up in the car chase film "Gone in 60 Seconds" knowing it was only a hopped up action flick, Ribisi really was Kip Raines, a messed up kid who got himself into an unbelievable amount of trouble - unbelievable as in truly fictional and over-the-top, but Kip didn't know that because he was locked inside the movie, it was his world and he took it as seriously as if it had been a drama going for an Oscar run.

Ribisi has been doing this with every film he's been in. I first saw him in an episode of The X Files. He took what could have been a cheesy and predictable part and turned it into a classic. His character D. P. O. is definitely one of the best in the show's history, along side Eugene Tombs. You believed D. P. O. existed long before Mulder and Scully ever happened upon him and his friend (a young Jack Black).

One day, Giovanni will happen upon a film that is headed in the same direction as he is, and the world will finally recognize what a truly odd, eccentric and brilliant actor he is.

Until then, he will remain an Indie favorite, and an enjoyment to the people here at Rogue.

The Fatty McGoo of the Week!
And the winner is? Mr. Blimp himself, Michael Madsen!


The Fatty McGoo award is given to those select few who forgo the Hollywood lifestyle of binge-and-purge/lemon skin diet/liposuction and decide instead to age like a normal human being.

These Awards are in no way a call to diet!
We love our Fatty McGoos!

Previous winners include: Marlon Brando, Lex Luthor, and Val Kilmer!

TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR A NEW MCGOO!

FRAN REPORTS:

Must... Stop... Watching...

MANNY REPORTS:
I was watching Dogfights on the history channel the other night, and was disturbed to see the channel I used to go to to relax from the mania of normal TV, be presenting a show depicting a historical air battle, much like other channels would present a show about how kick-ass the new modern weapons are. The first time they tell you something it is almost understandable through the rock music, but after a commercial break, they take the next five minutes to reset and re-tell you everything they already covered! All with the rock music in the background! Also, when they talk about a some plane shooting down another plane, instead of saying something like "the enemy plane was shot down", or "...which disabled the Zero...", they say "he blew him out of the sky!" All in all, they ruined the format of what was a great show just cater to a dumber audience, which is sad for those of us who have an attention span long enough to listen and comprehend what we are hearing.

But if your not like me, and liked the show, you can go play the game! It's everything the show should be!

I guess I'll go watch Modern Marvels... what is the new one about? Something about tooth picks? What's that? They ruined that too? Oh...

BERNERD REPORTS:
I know we're usually strictly film here at Rogue, but this artist really caught my ear and moved my soul, and since he will probably be filling out a lot of film scores soon, we might as well be the first to praise his ability! If you think about it, what are songs if not stories? And that's what we truly are about here - stories.

His name is Peter Conway. His first singles were released on the 23rd and believe me, it's worth the 5 bucks. Peter first got me with his song "Chains" (and when I say 'got me' I mean tears), and I've been a fan ever since. The only other artist I have ever heard reach such emotional levels would be Peter Gabriel with "Mercy Street". It speaks to your soul in a way that only music can.

You can get a taste for Peter Conway at his myspace, and then proceed right to the checkout. His songs are available on iTunes if you are in the UK, but for us Americans he is available at Bleep.com, where you will also find a free song called "Long Road".

Enjoy. This music deals with the modern plight of the 'self under-siege' and love and pain and all those things you can't get from a Miley Cyrus album.

BERNERD REPORTS:
Anyone who's truly "into" independent film, will no doubt, at some point in their lives, go through a Tarantino-thing. I am here to say: please people, it's not necessary.

I was a big Tarantino nerd (and trust me, a nerd is all you'll ever be). I watched the movies religiously. I raved about the cinematography, the revolutionary material, the 'he changed the face of film' bull-crap, but, at some point, you wake up to the fact that the man being hailed as the 'new king of cool', is nothing but a sleazy film nerd who doesn't seem to own a shower.

The first thing you must realize when trying to cure Tarantinitis is that every scene you enjoyed is at it's core a rip-off of some B-movie little Quentin watched as a kid, or at his job at the video store years later. Kill Bill Vol. 1 was nothing more than an "ode" to Samurai movies, and Vol. 2 to the Spaghetti Westerns and other B-Westerns of his time. Samuel L. Jackson went so far as to say working with Quentin is nothing more than hearing old movies explained and pieced together - I don't remember his exact words, but it was something like: "You'll go from that shot in For a Few Dollars More where he picks up the watch, walking into a Bonnie and Clyde death in slow-motion thing".

My main problem with Tarantino is that, however talented he may be, he chooses to degrade the human being into such a slush of filth that at some point you have to stand back and say: "What the hell am I watching?". Is this cool? Or is this some disgusting guy who's made a living filming his own fetishes? You start to feel like you're spying on a guy in his basement, piecing together the very best violence for himself.

Quentin will always be the ugly step-sister of Inde-Film, but take it from a post-Tarantinite, just leave it alone. It's not a world you want to enter, no matter how many people tell you it's cool. I mean, just look at the guy who created it, and you tell me if it's cool or not...

BONUS FEATURE:
For those who can't stand it, and feel they must have the Tarantino lingo down in order to circulate at film parties, or to fit in with that 'cool guy' that quotes Pulp Fiction non-stop, here you go.

THE ALL-ACCESS TARANTINO KNOW-IT-ALL HANDBOOK
AKA: THE TARANTINO CONVERSATION GENERATOR
(decoder ring not included)

RESERVOIR DOGS: "Are you gonna bark all day, little doggy, or are you gonna bite?"
The Endless Dialoge. Oh, what genius! He shows us the truth about bad guys! Like Quentin says "Villians don't just sit around sharping their bullets", oh no, they sit around and talk about old Madonna songs.
Mr. Pink doesn't tip. This should be brought up at any restaurant setting. If someone else brings this up, be sure to slam them by saying "Nevermind what you normally do." This will hail you as the best Taraninite at the table.
They Walk in Slow-Motion. This, along with any other Tarantino opening, is to be remarked upon as being the best opening to any movie ever - of which, the Reservoir Dogs opening is the coolest.
The Choppy Time: This, like all of Tarantino's better known films, is not a linear story. It jumps forward and backward with title-screens and clever names, giving us 'insight' into the ending we see at the beginning. This is by far the most revolutionary and clever thing Tarantino has blessed the film community with. Though any film that in any way doesn't run linearly is a giant rip-off and should be shunned and mocked immediately by those who know 'the truth'.
The Mr. Blonde Torture Scene. Tarantino is to be hailed as the father of torture on television and film (thanks a lot) and this scene is sure to go down in history as one of the greatest ever filmed. Mr. Blonde cuts off a cop's ear and talks into, generating howls of laughter from any true Tarantino fan.
They all Die. Yep. Everyone, of course, except Mr. Pink, who gets away with the diamonds. The rest of the boys shoot each other at the same time in a big over-the-top ending. Freddy confesses to being a cop and Mr. White shoots him just as the police break down the door. Yay! No one lived! How awesome!

PULP FICTION:
Hamburger Jokes: Again, bad guys don't talk about bad guy things, they talk about what Hamburgers are called in different countries. When eating a hamburger, be sure to say "Roy-el with Cheese" to spark lots of awed looks from Tarantino fans around the restaurant. You are so cool.
Samuel L. is a god! In no way is Tarantino's portrayal of a black man allowed to be looked at as racist - even if he does have a wallet that says "bad mother fucker" on it and talks a lot about religion. Samuel L. Jackson is the coolest cool person ever to walk the face of the earth, and memorizing his bible speech is a jewel in the crown of any Tarantino fan.
Twist Contest. Yeah, Travolta dances. What a shocker...
The Adrenaline Shot. This scene never ceases to be suspenseful and brilliant to a true Tarantinite. The arguing is also 'very realistic', as is the camera shot peering in through a crack in the door as Eric Stoltz searches for his booklet on 'how to give adrenaline shots to druggies'. You may feel the need to yell "Get the shot!" whenever anyone is looking for anything, or if you are simply bored.
Gay Sex. Enough said.
The Cleaner. Harvey is back, and he's here to talk Tarantino into letting him use his bedsheets. How riveting can it get?
Funny Names. Be sure to recognize "Lemon Pie" and "Pumpkin". Isn't he brilliant?
Cool Exit. Although Travolta dies during the course of the movie, we still get to see him and Samuel L. walk out of the diner to that cool surfer music in those hilarious clothes. Could life get better?

KILL BILL.
All you need to know about Kill Bill I already stated. They are the best fan videos ever made, at the cost of a whopping 60 million dollars! Bravo, Quentin, Bravo.

FRAN REPORTS:

The Fatty McGoo of the Week!
And the winner is? The first Fatty McGoo to come out of Hollywood: the magnificent Marlon Brando!
Unlike most critics out there, we love Brando fat or thin. He's still Brando to us!

The Fatty McGoo award is given to those select few who forgo the Hollywood lifestyle of binge-and-purge/lemon skin diet/liposuction and decide instead to age like a normal human being.

These Awards are in no way a call to diet!
We love our Fatty McGoos!

Previous winners include: Lex Luthor, and Val Kilmer!

TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR A NEW MCGOO!

MANNY REPORTS:
"A movie for people that like movies", how about "A movie for people that like to sniff glue"! With a far fetched plot, the biggest wrap-up ending ever, and Mos Def mumbling through the movie in a half stifled laugh, half apologetic voice, all between a whisper and a mumble, it is EASILY the WORST movie I have ever seen. Then there's Jack Black tooting his one note horn AGAIN! I used to like Jack Black, after he dumped Kyle Gass and before King Kong went WAY to his head! OK, we saw School of Rock, what else ya got? No? Just gonna stand there and play air bass some more? Well, I got better things to do.

Manny

FRAN REPORTS:
The director best known for "Sixth Sense" has a new movie out, "The Happening". This movie stars Mark Wahlberg and is "a paranoid thriller about a family on the run from a natural crisis that presents a large-scale threat to humanity" (imdb.com).

MANNY REPORTS:
L.D.P. made another usually boring TV show worth watching again! I just caught a re-run of his latest appearance on "Numb3rs"! He's done the same thing with "The Triangle"! How DOES he do it? One minute your watching some crappy crank-out episode of a TV show, then, out of nowhere, a shining light in the darkness! It's L. D. P.! Here to make the rest of the episode worth watching. With all of his great reaction faces and witty lines! This trailer for "Striking Range" shows you what you get with L. D. P.. Isn't it great! I could watch that all day!

Am I kidding? You tell me? (comment)

BERNERD REPORTS:
There is a rare moment, when sitting down to watch your nightly TV, when you come across something with potential - and it's not the potential of sitting down to watch the latest blockbuster television debut - it's the quiet potential of a film that you've never heard of, with of cast of great lower-level actors, an interesting premise, and absolutely no reservations. I had this opportunity the other night when I came across a little film called "Even Money".

"Even Money" is a collage of different people and how living in Las Vegas, and gambling, effects each of them. From a writer (Kim Bassinger) who gambles away her families life saving on slot machines, to two loan sharks with stress issues (Jay Mohr and an Irishman), to a gambler (Forest Whitaker) who gets his brother involved in fixing basketball games, to the cop who chases them all (Kelsey Grammar), the stories are complex and interwoven (the most moving, and highly depressing of which was of a has-been magician played by Danny DeVito).

But the performance that really stuck out was an oddity named Victor, played by a beloved actor here at Rogue - Tim Roth. Victor is a rich pawn for the highly alluded to 'Ivan'. He spends hours talking to a large Cockatoo, plays pool with his glasses upside-down and has a large steam room in his house. I can honestly say I've never seen a character quite like him. Everything he did had me watching. While seemingly heading toward one character cliche, he would suddenly whip around and start down another road all together. Was he gay? He didn't over-play it. He was creepy and likable and petty and smart and eccentric and human and I'm sure Tim Roth had a blast playing him.

So if you're looking for something off the beaten path, "Even Money" holds one of the quirkiest characters I've seen in a long time. And I don't mean 'quirky' in that forced, 'she talks to her dead cat' quirky.

Enjoy. . .

BERNERD REPORTS:
Shhh! This is TOP SECRET!
Through a secret technology called CINEWARP, we are able to bring you movie news (pause for dramatic effect) from the future!

Don't ask us how we got it (cause again, it's TOP SECRET!) but here is an article from the year 2097. Enjoy. . .

BREAKING NEWS from the year 2097!
A diary was discovered in an old box today that might prove to be what people have suspected and debated about for years: The true reason that "Titanic" was a big hit at the turn of the millennium.

For those who aren't history buffs, the film "Titanic" won 11 Academy Awards (a big award show that aired on Television Sets naming the best films and actors of that year.) almost one hundred years ago. It won 'Best Picture', 'Best Director', and was nominated for 'Best Actress' and 'Best Supporting Actress'.

No one has ever been able to figure out why. Until now!

Here is an excerpt from the diary of an eleven-year-old girl, written in the year 1997:

"We are going to see Titanic again this weekend! I can't wait! I love Leo! I might get a dog. I'm going to name him Jack, for Jack Dawson. Talk to you tomorrow! Love, Mrs. DiCaprio."

That's right. It seems that a young actor named Leonardo DiCaprio - missing from the records as having much to do with the film - was the secret to the success. He was not nominated for any awards, and was left out of most recorded press coverage, but it seems this young man drew young girls and their families to the theaters over and over again. The writer of the diary went to see the film 5 times in theaters and new evidence is coming forward that projects some might have seen it 20 or 25 times.

Now 111-years-old, we reached the young girl for a comment. Here's what she had to say:

"I always thought it was sad that he didn't get any recognition for what he did for the film. They really threw him under the bus. But I never was a big fan of any of his other movies. He seemed to be chasing that Oscar the rest of his life."

An "Oscar" was another word for an "Academy Award" because the statue they won resembled a golden god named 'Oscar' that many people from West America worshiped.

So, there you have it, the secret your great-grandmother wouldn't own up to. The biggest blockbuster to date in 1997 was fueled by a baby-faced kid who got none of the credit.

The Fatty McGoo of the Week!
And the winner is? Val Kilmer!
The Fatty McGoo award is given to those select few who forgo the Hollywood lifestyle of binge-and-purge/lemon skin diet/liposuction and decide instead to age like a normal human being.

These Awards are in no way a call to diet!
We love our Fatty McGoos!

Previous winners include: Lex Luthor.

TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR A NEW MCGOO!

BERNERD REPORTS:
I don't know why I always forget what a great movie "The Man in the Iron Mask" is, but I do. I watched it on TV last night and boy, why don't I own this thing? For some reason, it always fades into my memory as a "kind of okay" movie. All I can say is the entire thing is worth it for the final scene. Watch it. It's beautiful.

FRAN REPORTS:

FRAN REPORTS: